Fresh and Clear

What a start to a new year and the next chapter!  2019 has greeted me like a breath of fresh air in the wilderness that brings with it the reminder that the day is good and anything is possible.

On December 28th I had my last treatment.  It was the last time my port would be accessed before it is removed from my body, and the last time the poison would be pumped through my veins.  I no longer have to schedule life around trips to the hospital or doctors office and I no longer have to plan for days of feeling completely exhausted or not feeling like myself in my own body.  Soon enough I will be freed from the daily reminder my chest port gives me every time I look in the mirror or I put my seat belt on.  Soon, so soon, I am back to being just me and not the cancer battling version of myself.

Each day I wake I feel ever more clear.  My mind feels like it is working with much greater clarity and while I don’t recall the exact feeling of trying to operate with the poison in my body, I remember how days at work were difficult to make it through and that my creativity and excitement was hindered.  This feeling of having clear thoughts with my body no longer expending energy on fighting off poisons is better than I could have imagined.

Now I turn my focus to loving myself and my body as I am today.  I have learned so much about what my body can withstand, now I want to work on treating it with care and love.  A year ago, when this all began, I started the journey to living a cleaner lifestyle. While progress has been made, and I am more eduated than ever, I still found myself not meeting my own expectations.  This is something I find the majority of my friends and family struggle with – living a lifestyle we feel meets the expectations we set for ourselves.  What I have now come to realize is that my prior expectations of what I deemed as a “clean” or “healthy” lifestyle are not what they have to be.  Progress, not perfection, and making purposeful choices is where I now want to focus.  I am resetting my expectations, I may not live a 100% “clean” or “healthy” lifestyle, I am aiming to live a “Good, Better, Best” lifestyle where I make choices knowing my options, evaluating how a choice will make me feel and living without regret or guilt.

Each day is a new day and this year brings a whole host of reasons to celebrate life, my body and everything around me.


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