This weekend turned out to be a winter mix in Nashville both inside and out. Last week I underwent my first round of chemotherapy on Wednesday which I am just now able to reflect on. The weather here in Nashville made a turn to a winter wonderland on Friday, just in time to keep me indoors for the duration of my after chemo days. Sometimes there are external forces that work in your favor and support your journey even when you didn’t think it was possible. I have to say that knowing I couldn’t go outside may have been the best thing for my mental battle of having to be on the couch for a couple of days. Thank you to the wind spirits who brought the in snow and cold just in time!
Everything they say about chemo is pretty darn true. And by everything they say I mean: “There could be side effects”, “it affects everyone differently”, “you will have to see how you react”, or “take it one day at a time.” So you can imagine with all of this hard pointed advice I had no idea what to expect. I started Thursday off on a high, pumped up with steroids, and ready to take on the world. By the afternoon my energy was waning (before my next dose) and I was already on my way down. From that point on, Friday, Saturday and into Sunday demanded a high amount of rest. I can honestly say that I have never felt so utterly exhausted in my life, as if someone had drained by blood and only left me with enough internally to stand for 5 minutes at a time. It was scary and frustrating and brought me to tears a couple of times. Despite the exhaustion and the need for a lot of sleep, for the most part I was lucky the other medications to fight off the side effects really worked for me.
There have been moments when I have questioned the need for this treatment and whether I need to endure this five more times, and then I remember that I am doing this to fight for my lifetime and it all gets put back into perspective. Yes, I have to do this five more times, but now I know somewhat to expect and also that it is only a short time…4 months, just 4 little ole months then the toughest part is done. So I will jog onto the next mile, hitting mile 4 today, knowing that the hardest part is still coming but I can grin and bear it.
The other part of my week which I wanted to share is some of of the other side to cancer. I am in a position where I have a decent understanding of the healthcare system and my benefits due to my job and for this I cannot be more grateful. For my second job I have recently taken on the battle of the healthcare bills. This is the portion of cancer so few people are talking about – how you have to keep track of every dime and ultimately become a healthcare accountant in order to both keep your bills paid while not being taken advantage of. For anyone going through this, or who has to deal with any chronic illness, my heart and mind go out to you. This is something we must change! I don’t know yet how, but I am adding it to my list (along with equal pay for women worldwide). So if you have the secret answer or just want to brainstorm on the topic, I am here to discuss!!
With that thought sparking your mind I leave you to our next snowstorm coming through Nashville (holding it down for 2 more inches)!